1. You're staying at the Acme Hotel.
2. Your security detail is wearing old Andy Frain uniforms they bought on E-Bay
3. Your motorcade consists of three Jimmy John's delivery vehicles and a Zipcar
4. Your complimentary fruit basket is filled with gummi bears
5. In Executive Briefings, your country is listed under the wrong continent.
6. The Chicago Council on Global Affairs has scheduled a lecture titled "(your country's name) - Why?"
7. Your country's currency can only be exchanged for Target coupons.
8. The State Department's Chief of Protocol lists your diplomatic title as "Whatever".
9. The broadcast of your big speech is confined to McCormick Place security monitors.
10. You're welcoming committee at O'Hare consisted of three semi-retired Hooter girls and Rod Blagojevich's bail bondsman.